You Don't Know What I'm Like
(Andy Dunlop-Travis)

We've been round the block
And we're getting on fine
But you don't know what I'm like
And I looked at the clock
And it was way past the line
Still you don't know what I'm like
We'd spend a good time
Trying to have a good time
And for all of the time it really seems ok
You're eventually lost and I'm happy because
You don't know what I'm like
You lived in my shoes
And you stayed at my flat
Still you don't know what I'm like
And it's .......... what you think about that
Cause you don't know what I'm like
We'd spend a good time
Trying to have a good time
And for all of the time it really seems ok
You're eventually lost and I'm happy because
You don't know what I'm like
And you don't know what I like
Now I'm on the TV
And you're on the phone
Still you don't know what I'm like
And I found someone new
And she's taking me home
She knows just what I'm like
We'd spend a good time
Where we have a good time
I think I found a place I want to stay
You're eventually lost
And I'm happy because
You don't know what I'm like
You don't know what I like
You'll never know what I'm like


I went on a date the other night. Yeah, no shit.
She's tall, cute, articulate and likes to shop. She has beautiful hands.
I felt confident going in. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. Eye contact took awhile but after our time together, I thought she was pretty cool. We got plans for tonight and tomorrow!
And no, before you ask, I haven't gone off the deep end. It just feels good to have planted a seed in a garden that has lain neglected and fallow these last few months.
I don't know what will happen.

But that is the point, innit?

Tomorrow marks the halfway point in The Doldrums. I imagine that life will slowly accelerate back to it's normal pace after light and heat return. There is already much to look forward to. Even though I in a space where I can't decide if I want to sleep for a week, or get on my motorcycle and ride until my money runs out. But that pretty much sums up The Doldrums, doesn't it?

Laurie B. will be here at SOUL HEAVEN with her crew from school, shooting a student film. I basically have to try and stay out of their way AND somehow get some sleep this weekend!

That is all.


On Thursday, I went to visit my old boss and her partners (who are former coworkers). They were moving into a larger space next door to their old offices and need some help moving one of the scanners. I hadn't been down to the shop in several months, due to procrastination. Moving the scanner took all of ten minutes, but Richelle had bought beer and pizza...so who was I to refuse? Actually, I had a really good time. Richelle had a disc that I'd burned for her years ago and needed me to listen to it and tell her the track names. Then she asked me what I thought of Missy Elliot:

Me: "Well, I kinda ignored her until fairly recently. I think she's got great tunes and I think she's a genius. A lot of it is really sexual though.
Richelle: "Yeah, I'm into that...it's my new thing!"
Me: (Raises Eyebrows)"..."

I spent a lovely evening Friday with Suze. She and I had hadn't spoken in a couple of years, until she came down to the Fey Ray show at The Green Room a few weeks ago. We've seen a few movies and exchanged emails since. Suze had not been to SOUL HEAVEN before, so I asked her to come over for dinner and a soak in the hot tub.
I made Fettucini ala Stacius (vegetarian for her-con pollo for me), salad, crusty bread, katamala olives for her (I can't stan'em), a bottle of Frito's wine and three kinds of sorbet. After eating, I played some old Visitors songs (my first band with Matt) and then we hit the tub. We were in it for close to five hours!
It was a lovely night and I dunno if it was the booze or the mood, but we talked up a storm. I've always found Suze fascinating (after all, how many women send you a diagrammed and well-thought-out explanation as to why they can't go out with you? Hell, I was convinced!) and I think Friday night was the first time we were comfortable enough to open up and really have "good crack". I was a little wary about the whole thing, 'cause somehow (heh) I always wind up being Ducky instead of Blaine, but I think I started to understand what Suze is about and she's even cooler than I suspected. She left 4AM-ish.

On Saturday, Fey Ray played Industrial Coffee in Georgetown. It started raining pretty heavily as I rode my scooter to the gig and I got soaked. I wore the thermal rainsuit, which is fine for short trips in but I was totally waterlogged. Tabitha and her cousin came to see the show. She and I hadn't seen each other in awhile and she wanted to hang out and reconnect. I've always been crazy about her in my own wierd way and since we seem to have solved our communication problems, everything has been really swell. Unfortunately, I had to go straight to work after the gig, so I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to her. I think we rocked tonight and I'm looking forward to kickin' out the jams in KEXP's studios next Saturday. Thanks to everyone who came out to support us, your encouragement means everything! And I'd like to thank my bandmates for taking my gear back so's I could make it to work on time!


Remember me complaining about having to image pictures from the Gulf War? Well, in the spirit of sharing, now you can see them too. Warning...not for the faint of heart.


So I wrote this whole post (with links and stuff!) about the books I was planning to read. And Blogger ate it somehow...damn. So since it's past noon and I really should be in bed, I'll post some links and let you figure it out.

I wanna reread: Sea of Fertility
But then there's new Nicholson Baker out.
But I cannot make up my mind. Maybe gnooks.com can help?

BTW-George is putting up 150 posts today! Go check it out. I've learned more about him today than I have in the whole time I've been reading his blog. (Well, I knew he was a smart, handsome brother who Iikes cool music and dug living in Oakland and...well, go read for yrself!) If he stays up the entire time, it might get surreal.


My friend James turned 30 this week so we all got together at TOST in Fremont to celebrate. I met James' sister, who I didn't know existed until that night. Apparently he was "protecting her" from the more lecherous members of our little posse (good call, btw). Since she seemed to have a pretty good idea of who I was, I can only imagine the stories...
Anyway, whether by accident or design, my friend Marjan showed up. The booze was flowing copiously and awhile everyone was pretty hammered. Marjan came over to where I was and leaned on me-quite bombed.
"Hey, this reminds me of the first time we met", says I.
Marjan mumbled something and went into one of the unisex bathrooms.
A second later this petite, really cute Heather Locklear look-a-like wandered over and propped herself against me. She was hammered too.
"Uh...hey." I said.
"Hi. I'm from Alabama. This is my first time here." She slurred.
Marjan came out of the bathroom and was standing in front of me, watching the dancers.
"She's really cute." said Alabama.
"Yeah, she is."
"I wanna take her home with me. Is she a lesbian?"
I wasn't expecting this! Heh.
"Uh, as for I know, she likes guys...but I suppose it wouldn't hurt to ask her."
Unfortunately, Alabama's guy friend appeared and led her outside for some fresh air.
I patted Marjan on the back, she was completely oblivious.
"There you go, breaking hearts everywhere you go."
"What?!" she said.
"That blond girl wants to take you home!" I crowed.
"But I like men!" Marjan protested.
"Couldn't you do it as personal favor to me?!" I pleaded.
Marjan looked at me blankly.
"Do what?"
I sighed.

I think I'm in love. Of course, it's the temporary, totally superficial kind, which in a way-is something I can put stock in. 'Cause the life-changin', lesson-learnin', sick-of-food, make-a-fool-outta-ya kind of love feels like masochistic Marine boot-camp training for the World Championship of Sanskit poetry writing. (If that doesn't make sense-it's OK)
I used to say that I liked to maintain 20 or so free-floating crushes at a time, so that if one or two fell off, or the relationship became more clearly defined in a manner not to my liking (Yes...you really are in the "friend zone!"), then I could maintain my happy deluded state without much pain.
Brittney is cute, smart, amusing, interesting and she likes to take pictures. That's all I know about her.

That's all I need to know.

Funny, huh?


Sometimes-in order to keep one's sanity, it is necessary to practice a narrowing of perception. To focus on what is in front of one to the exclusion of all else. To concentrate on the possible. To do what is do-able, with the hope that one day your perception will widen and you can enjoy life more fully.
He awoke to a beautiful clear day. Both mountain ranges were out, Mt. Baker and Mt. Rainier were visible to the North and South and Betty called to him.
He first went to visit his mother. It was a Typical Conversation:

Her: "So now that things have ended with you and last lady friend, are you just gonna give up on women altogether?"
Him: (Slightly pissed at the insinuation that he was some sort of wimp who's sole mission in life is to deny his mother grandchildren (He had often wondered if his life would be much easier if he told her he was gay) and wondering why this issue was so important to her anyways, she already has three grandsons and he seriously doubted she'd be dropping in to babysit or change diapers anyway...) "Uh, no. I figured there are something like 3 billion women on this planet. I know mabye a couple of hundred and will probably meet another 50 or so this year alone. Chances are pretty good one of them may recognize me for the sweet, sensitive sex ma-chine I is. But until then, you're gonna have to wait...just like I hafta."
Her: "Well, you know there are plenty nice, clean girls looking for husbands at the (Kingdom) Hall..."
Him: "Oh, yeah. I'm right there, just let me forget that I'm agnostic, buy a new suit, lie through my teeth to everyone, including God (should He exist) and I'm sure I could land a winner!" (He didn't really say this, He actually just sighed, rolled his eyes and muttered, "Uh-huh".)
Him: "Look Mom, every time I come over here we have this same conversation. It's not like I don't wanna settle down, but things are a lot different from when you were coming up. Women have more choices. Women who may have married soley for economic reasons 30-40 years ago, simply don't have to. And the pressure is off some of us fellas to be nothing more than breadwinners. Besides, I obviously haven't met the right woman yet and I'd rather not rush into something just so you'll quit giving me a hard time about it."
Her (pretending she hadn't heard a word he said): "Well these women these days just want to wait until they're pushing 40 and then they decide they want to have children so they'll grab the first available thing they can find!"
Him (Seeing a quick way out): "Great! In that case, I should be hitched within the next 5 years..."

After leaving Nedoshia, He rode to West Seattle and cruised along Alki Beach. The wind was nice and bracing (He wore my half helmet), there were couples roller-blading along the sidewalks, people out for a jog or a stroll, lots of young mothers pushing strollers. He rolled along, enjoying the sun on his face and that happy state where he and his bike are one. Where he don't have to overthink you next move.
Stacey eventually turned and headed south towards the Vashon Ferry, turned north again and rolled up the hill to his ex-girlfriend (now regular friend) Mercedes place.
She hadn't seen Betty yet and he hadn't visited with her in quite awhile. So they went down to the Alki Bakery and got some food. Then they talked about movies, music, art (she's studying and teaching theater) and relationships.
"How come you and I get along so well when we're not dating?" She asked, sounding a little sad.
"I think it's because you and I have fundamentally different ways of dealing with the world. And when those differences come up, it undermines what we believe about each other. I guess we'll get along as long as nothing is at stake...I do love you, though."

As we rode home and crested Beacon Hill, he felt his perception widen. Suddenly, the world was filled with possbilities. He had no plans, but that would soon change. His heart lifted, a smile crossed his face and said to himself, "Yup...It's gonna be awright."


So tomorrow is the day. Maria boards an airplane and takes off for an adventure in Europe. I remember that day back in 98 when she and I were at a company party at Belltown Billiards. I knew she was ten years younger than me, but we'd never had more to say to each other than "hello" and I wanted to see what she was all about. I was impressed. She was surprisingly mature, had a really good sense of humor...and she was wearing some tight black trousers (grrr).
Soon after we started hanging out. We went to some shows and Stu and I took her out for her 21st birthday. I introduced her to all my friends and they all got on well. And although I don't think she's the "best friend-having" type, I like to think I come the closest.
Now it's time for the next phase and like so many things in life, it's bittersweet. She's coming to the gig tonight and I look forward to giving her a nice long hug before sending her on her way...you better write!

And come back.


It's things like this that (sometimes) make me glad that I have a "girls name".
WARNING: This post will be heavy on metaphor and similie.

Even though J. and I broke up back in September, the relationship had a strange and profound effect on me. It was like I'd won a designer dream home in a raffle, only to have the whole thing crash down around me right after I'd moved my stuff in. I tried to understand her and by extension myself in the aftermath, but couldn't shake the nasty stink of failure which clung to me like cigarette smoke after a night of clubbing.
I made jokes about my pain and eventually the day came when I didn't think about reconciling with her at all. But somehow, knowing that her desk sat a few feet from mine at work made me feel like she was always there...even if she wasn't. I was terrified of running into her in the hallway. Not because I thought she'd say or do something nasty, but because I was afraid I'd do or say something nasty. It was starting to effect the way I enjoyed my work. Somehow, in my mental dialogue she'd become the living embodiment of all that was evil. My rational mind thought this was ridiculous but I rationalized it, thinking it was what I needed to do to get over it and move on. But somehow things felt out of balance. I felt real poison beginning to form around my heart. The hate was becoming real. I needed to do something, so after thinking about it, I decided to call and arrange a meeting.
J. was understandably apprehensive at first. We talked for about 45 minutes. I told her why I wanted to meet, that I needed to see her as she is and not as the monster in my imagination. I wanted to just chat-it didn't have to be about "us", that is over and she has a boyfriend. I didn't need to her to absolve me of anything. If anything, I wanted the chance to forgive her, face to face...sounds weird, doesn't it? But-she understood. Despite my intentions, we did talk about our former relationship and I apologized for making judgements about her spiritual quests. Several things got cleared up and she agreed to meet me the following day.
The meeting went well. It was good to see her. When she came in she asked for a hug and complimented my hair. J. looked pretty much the same, but maybe a little more mature...or wiser...or something. We went to down to Marcus' Martini Heaven and had a drink, then walked into the New Orleans Cafe for dinner. The conversation was more or less a continuation of the phone conversation. She told me her sister had gotten engaged recently and that she had entered a new creative period in her life. I told her about Fey Ray and filled her in on what me and my friends were up to. I was really struck by how easy talking to her was. J. is not a monster (duh)...she came to help me. She was even decent enough to not bring up her boyfriend until I asked her about him-even though she's in love. I knew she was still a little miffed about my snubbing her offer of friendship a few months ago. So I made the offer to her. I don't think she'll take me up on it-but then I don't expect her to...I just want everything to be equal.
We spent about two hours together. I think it was good for us both. J. was acting like she was all OK, but I know it wasn't easy for her either. After I got home I felt like a freshly squeezed blackhead. Raw and a little bloody, but free of the crap. The poison is gone, the world is once again my oyster.

(After I listen to AMC and sigh a few times, that is.)

If I Had a Hammer

The love cry of the traveling man goes
No one knows who I am
But I'm as priceless as a brass ring
That's losing the heat from your hand

A quiet man sits quietly learning his lesson
The slow smooth wheel of disintegration

You don't want them to talk to you
No you don't want to take part
You say, "Just get me back to the leper colony
'Cause that's where you left my heart."

I feel time pass by like a joy no medicine can preserve
Somewhere along the line I lost my nerve

Maybe I'm almost there

Give me the keys to your theme park
Bury me under your layer of snow
And watch me ride all the rides
Around and around I go

I don't know if I've reached the bottom yet
And I don't know if the ice has finally begun to set
I feel time pass like a joy I tried so hard to relearn
But somewhere along the line I passed the point of no return

Maybe I'm almost there

The love cry of the traveling man goes
No one knows who I am
But I'm as priceless as a brass ring
That lost the heat from your hand

Thanks, Julia...


Chris (one of the guys I work with) and I were diggin' the Bee Gee's "Jive Talkin'" last Thursday and discussing the merits of the auto-wah. And then I see this. I wasn't a huge Bee Gees fan, although I knew a few of their songs beyond the "Saturday Night Fever" soundtrack. I remember way back in the day watching the movie "Melody" and really loving "I Gotta Get a Message to You"...which is funny because I don't think the song appears on the soundtrack...but I could swear that's where I first heard it! The other thing that I remember about the Bee Gees is the controversy that playing the SNF soundtrack on the only soul station in town (KYAC) caused. Mind you, they played Bowie's "Fame" and probably the Average White Band too, but I guess some folks took the "apporiation of our music" thing too seriously. Anyway, a damn fine musician (bass player!) has died. RIP Maurice...


hmph. I though "Gangs of New York" just looked like a crummy movie...now I've got a reason to snub it.
Another Fey Ray update! The site (thanks to the mad skillz of Frito) now has images, sound files & contact info. We'll be adding more content in the coming weeks. Check there for shows and band info!

Tenk Yew!


Fey Ray just got tapped to play Ride Cover Night at The Crocodile Cafe on February 20th! I'm so psyched!!
Randomage: After an excellent dinner with my 'swim buddy' Jay and an NSC meeting...
I was in an exceptionally good mood. At work I was boppin' to classic soul, R&B and house cuts (with nu jazz and downtempo thrown in). I think Ms Dy-na-mi-tee really got me goin'! Pam commented on my smile. At 7AM, I emerged from the basement of the Dexter Horton Building onto Second Ave. It was cold out, but it seemed warmer than it did downstairs. A water pipe in the temperature control system had burst and froze (!) leaving most of us shivering at our desks all night. Around 5AM a crew of workmen came in, stood on ladders, digging around in the ceiling tiles and drilling und klanging. It was quiet and peaceful there on the street.
The sun was coming up as I mounted my bike and headed south, past Seahawks Stadium. There wasn't much traffic and the growing light made my heart surge with the joy of being alive to see yet another day. As I left downtown it got even colder, when I rode past the park, I noticed the grass was coated with frost.
I dream of spring and summer. I think this year will be a good one for getting outta Dodge, hittin the road and getting some new experiences in. the thought of heat and light, things I normally avoid, is constantly on my mind. It sustains my current happy outlook...odd, considering the darkness all around.
Today, I caught up with Heidi. Talked to my friend Chris, hung out with Brianna, was visited by Maria and Tim. Tomorrow, I see a movie with Suze and maybe get to hang with Stu and my beloved Tess.

Good night.


More proof that the Seattle I grew up in is becoming as boring, bland and stupid as anywhere else:


By the time this edition goes to press, Chubby and Tubby might go the way of other Seattle institutions like the Twin Teepees on Aurora and downtown’s the Doghouse. After facing stiff competition from national chains like Wal-Mart, Target and Costco, Chubby and Tubby decided to liquidate its inventory and put its stores on the market. As of this writing there has not been a promising purchaser for the three stores which might mean the end for the fabled general merchandise store. One Wiretapping reader told me that a recent visit to the Chubby and Tubby on Rainier was a solemn affair. “Nearly all the people there had a hangdog look,” he says. “And they still only had tennis shoes in size 15!” By the way, there were two men nicknamed “Chubby” and “Tubby” who owned the stores. Both men have passed on. Wiretapping hopes that this tale illuminates the need for people to support locally-owned, small businesses in the New Year! —Alex Trophy

I fuckin' love Chubby & Tubby. I've been going there for tennis shoes, jacket, drawers, camping gear and other miscellaneous crap for as long as I can remember. I adore the stuffed shelves and lack of pretension. Each trip was like a journey of discovery. I tend to stay out of large department stores. I can remember the last time I bought anything at Nordstrom or The Bon Marche...sigh. I hope they'll find a local buyer, I would really hate to see C & T go.

In other news. The new corporate headquarters for Corbis is now open. We have new desks and a HUGE work area. I feel right at home! Now that I don't have to ride across the bridge anymore, my mother can relax. And now I can hang out before work! WhooHoo!


Come On Let's Go (Broadcast -
The Noise Made By People (2000)

You won't find it by your self
You're gonna need some help
And you won't fail with me around
Come on let's go

I will tell you if you change
And who's been saying things
It's hard to tell who is real in here
Come on let's go

You know who to turn to
Now everything's changed
Come on lets go
Stop looking for answers
In everyone's face
Come on let's go

What's the point in wasting time
On people that you'll never know
Come on let's go

When you're looking for a friend
But it's empty at the end
When everybody's disappeared
You won't be alone

If you want I'll compensate
If you over estimate
So there's nothing left to fear
You won't be alone
You know who to turn to
Now everything's changed
Come on let's go
Stop looking for answers
In everyone's face
Come on let's go

What's the point in wasting time
On people that you'll never know
Come on let's go


I read a plot synopsis for the new Tarintino move Kill Bill" awhile back and though it sounded goofy. But now that I've seen the trailer, I may have to reconsider. This movie looks like a lot of fun! I'll be there when it opens...who's with me?!

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I saw "Chicago" "Chicago" last night. No, sir...I didn't like it. I didn't care about any of the characters, thought the singing, dancing and music was pretty decent at best and didn't understand what all the hype over this movie was about. I guess you'd have to have seen it on Broadway or something.
Oh well, the costume and set design was nice...
Neil and I were discussing our experiences with online dating.

Him: "The thing that really sucks about making a profile is that I don't really fit into a 'type'. I'm like a platypus...Like, is he a duck or is he a beaver?"
Me: "I'm SO quoting that..."


I'm back from the Sunset Tavern gig. I think we played well, but we were very businesslike and serious onstage. Seth was fighting a headache and I think the energy from one of us effects the others...overall, I'm pleased with the performance. I think our confidence is growing and we're going to kick some ass on the 16th, when we're back at full strength.
I heard that I-Spy closed...I'm not really surprised. It was a really weird place...never seemed to have that much going for it and I can honestly say it was my least favorite place to see a show. It looks like The Crocodile Cafe and the Showbox will rule all the downtown action for the foreseeable future. I bring this up because the gig at Chop Suey had to moved from Jan. 29th to Feb 5th to accomodate some of the gigs that were booked at I-Spy. The good news is that now, we have a show to plug on Audioasis!


Er. Happy New Year.

I went to bed around 5PM yesterday, with the intention of getting up at 8:30 and going to Jay's party to see some of my former Getty co-workers, then going up to Capitol Hill to hand with Dan and the rest of that crew.

I woke up at 11:45. Too late to do anything really, so I just laid there and listened to the fireworks being set off in the neighborhood. I checked my alarm clock. Apparently, I'd set it to "music" rather than "alarm", which wasn't loud enough to wake me. Then I went back to sleep.
I was talking to Mercedes this morning and she wondered what sleeping through the turn of the year meant. I told her I didn't know, seeing I've been pretty much awake for all the ones I can remember...I guess we'll find out.