1.18.2003

Sometimes-in order to keep one's sanity, it is necessary to practice a narrowing of perception. To focus on what is in front of one to the exclusion of all else. To concentrate on the possible. To do what is do-able, with the hope that one day your perception will widen and you can enjoy life more fully.
He awoke to a beautiful clear day. Both mountain ranges were out, Mt. Baker and Mt. Rainier were visible to the North and South and Betty called to him.
He first went to visit his mother. It was a Typical Conversation:

Her: "So now that things have ended with you and last lady friend, are you just gonna give up on women altogether?"
Him: (Slightly pissed at the insinuation that he was some sort of wimp who's sole mission in life is to deny his mother grandchildren (He had often wondered if his life would be much easier if he told her he was gay) and wondering why this issue was so important to her anyways, she already has three grandsons and he seriously doubted she'd be dropping in to babysit or change diapers anyway...) "Uh, no. I figured there are something like 3 billion women on this planet. I know mabye a couple of hundred and will probably meet another 50 or so this year alone. Chances are pretty good one of them may recognize me for the sweet, sensitive sex ma-chine I is. But until then, you're gonna have to wait...just like I hafta."
Her: "Well, you know there are plenty nice, clean girls looking for husbands at the (Kingdom) Hall..."
Him: "Oh, yeah. I'm right there, just let me forget that I'm agnostic, buy a new suit, lie through my teeth to everyone, including God (should He exist) and I'm sure I could land a winner!" (He didn't really say this, He actually just sighed, rolled his eyes and muttered, "Uh-huh".)
Him: "Look Mom, every time I come over here we have this same conversation. It's not like I don't wanna settle down, but things are a lot different from when you were coming up. Women have more choices. Women who may have married soley for economic reasons 30-40 years ago, simply don't have to. And the pressure is off some of us fellas to be nothing more than breadwinners. Besides, I obviously haven't met the right woman yet and I'd rather not rush into something just so you'll quit giving me a hard time about it."
Her (pretending she hadn't heard a word he said): "Well these women these days just want to wait until they're pushing 40 and then they decide they want to have children so they'll grab the first available thing they can find!"
Him (Seeing a quick way out): "Great! In that case, I should be hitched within the next 5 years..."

After leaving Nedoshia, He rode to West Seattle and cruised along Alki Beach. The wind was nice and bracing (He wore my half helmet), there were couples roller-blading along the sidewalks, people out for a jog or a stroll, lots of young mothers pushing strollers. He rolled along, enjoying the sun on his face and that happy state where he and his bike are one. Where he don't have to overthink you next move.
Stacey eventually turned and headed south towards the Vashon Ferry, turned north again and rolled up the hill to his ex-girlfriend (now regular friend) Mercedes place.
She hadn't seen Betty yet and he hadn't visited with her in quite awhile. So they went down to the Alki Bakery and got some food. Then they talked about movies, music, art (she's studying and teaching theater) and relationships.
"How come you and I get along so well when we're not dating?" She asked, sounding a little sad.
"I think it's because you and I have fundamentally different ways of dealing with the world. And when those differences come up, it undermines what we believe about each other. I guess we'll get along as long as nothing is at stake...I do love you, though."

As we rode home and crested Beacon Hill, he felt his perception widen. Suddenly, the world was filled with possbilities. He had no plans, but that would soon change. His heart lifted, a smile crossed his face and said to himself, "Yup...It's gonna be awright."

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