Matt once told me that his brother used to have a roommate who only ate candy and meat. I thought that was so cool, but I couldn't tell you why.
Anyway, I'm at the beginning of a long weekend. Bumbershoot 2003 is in effect and I may go down there Saturday. Depends on the size of my hangover.
Right now I'm sleepy and but wound up. Cindy is in town visiting Scott and it's alway nice to have a female in tha hizzy. I bought some new reading material, I picked up "White Crow" by Mary Gentle after reading about her at China Mieville's site.

Man, Beyonce is so focking beautiful...


The Sun|Tzu Sound System got a nice write-up in the this week's Stranger. If you like to dance, nay, if you like music at all-get off yr lame asses and come to a show and support these guys! I'm sick of people acting like they're clueless! You wanna fucking clue?! Here it is!


Went to Lollapalooza 2003 on Saturday in Frito's shiny new blue and white Mini Cooper S. That thing has more gizmos than James Bond! I normally don't go to huge shows, because I believe you should be within spitting distance of the performer. But Frito got free (Free!) tickets and what better way to break in the car than a road trip to Enumclaw?!
We got to 'palooza in time for The Donnas, but still missed them because we were in line for $7 beers(!).
However, did manage to catch:

Jurassic 5 - A tight, clean set. Nice.
A Perfect Circle - I'm not a big TOOL fan, but they were pretty good. Maynard wore a long wig for most of the set.
Incubus - I hate these fuckers. Seriously. So I bailed and walked around the grounds and played some Xbox.
Audioslave - I'd dismissed them as a dumbed down Soundgarden but man, they put on a good show! They played covers by Funkadelic, Elvis Costello and the White Stripes too.
Jane's Addiction - eh. Perry gets oan mah tits. We stayed for 5 songs and then bailed.
I was disappointed I didn't get to see Queens of the Stone Age. That would've made my fookin' year! I guess they got tired of blowing everyone else off the stage every night, heh.
Oh, I saw James Iha on the grounds after A Perfect Circle's set. He's a tiny fucker.

I bought some new discs this weekend too.

Mclusky rules! Bow to your new Welsh masters.
TV on the Radio impress me more with each listen.
Rilo Kiley are awesome. I missed them when they came to town in July. Damn!

I'll have to listen to The Party of Helicopters and get back to yaze.

That is all.


Good Grief! Do these people have no shame?!


Robert Plant
Thru With The Two Step

Dance by me close Tell 'em, all to go
Once for the money But I'm, through with the show
An' move with me gently, Oh so slow
Hold me and maybe, oh, We'll never let go
Never let go
I'm through with sneakin' Been cutting it close
Through with the two-step, Oh Where the rhythm is lost
Through with the two-step Where the rhythm is lost
Oh, yes, it's love in any key
You opened up the door Now I know, it's got to be
Now my cards on the table, Hands on the deck [Hands opened up]
Now "A" is for able, All words spoken right [Oh, pause for breath]
My willing baby, now can't you see Little girl, it's not for me.
So you waltzed into my life, One two three
Warmth of your smile Oh, let it please be me,
Please let it be me You switch and swirl,
Oh, swing and sway
Stay till the sun comes, and, don't go away
Stay till the sun comes, and, don't go away
Stay till the sun comes, and, don't go away
Don't go away, don't go away, aah
It might be cozy baby, please don't go now
And it's buy me, don't buy me baby, baby
Please don't go, oh
Oh, don't go away now baby
And it's bye, me, baby now please don't go away
And it's bye, now baby, baby
Baby, please don't go

I don't know why this popped into my head, but for a short while after high school, this was our song. We'd sit in Derek's room in the basement and blast it on his stereo, singing along. Sometimes Steve and I would turn off the lights and hold up a lighter.


The N-word. Dong Resin breaks it down. I agree wholeheartedly.
My father passed away on this day some 13 years ago. We weren't close. I didn't understand him until it was much too late and I don't think he'd ever get me. But that's cool. I'd gotten to see him before he passed, my sister and I drove for three days straight after getting a message from his wife saying, "Your father just went into the hospital. I don't think he's coming out again, so if you plan to come down here you better do it now." Heidi and I got our shit together and hit the road, living on Doritos and Mountain Dew. I did most of the driving, fighting off sleep and listening to crappy Top 40 radio the whole way.
I don't think I've listened to Mariah Carey's "Vision of Love" since.

Anyway, it was shortly after we arrived that I realized how much I hate hospitals. The staff was kind, but their sad smiles told me everything I needed to know. My dad could have all the morphine he wanted by that time. Needless to say he wasn't much for conversation. After 3-4 visits I wanted to leave for home but my sister talked me into staying a couple of days longer. He'd asked to hear my band on one visit. I handed over my Walkman..."Wow," he said. "This is pretty good!" He encouraged me to go to Art School, which pissed me off because he'd always discouraged that ambition when I was a teenager, telling me to get a "Real job-something with computers" instead.
I remember sitting in a chair next to his bed wondering how someone who was so dynamic, fit and alive (he'd been a Seattle firefighter for 12 years) could be turned into a dry, grey husk in such a short time. The chemo had made his skin dark and blotchy. I'll never forget now bright the whites of his eyes seemed or how he seemed to weigh next to nothing when I hugged him goodbye for the last time.

I got angry somewhere around Knoxville, probably more angry than I've ever been in my life. It all seemed so unfair. I'd been looking forward to the day when he and I could have our big falling out, then reconcile, with him finally accepting me as my own man. My own person. I felt cheated and that his fate was unjust. Despite our differences, he'd always been generous with everyone, friends, family-he'd talk to anyone. And in the end, he was back there in a hospital bed, hopped up on opiates and waiting the clock to run out.
I was a zombie by the time I got home, I don't even remember much of the drive, except for hitting pigeon somewhere in eastern Washington. My girlfriend at the time was anxiously waiting for me at my apartment. She'd stolen one of my pillows just so she could sleep. I never got it back.
The next day, I got another phone call.

He wasn't alone when he went. He was surrounded by family. Ellen said he "Just wound down-like a clock." I put in a half-day at work, then I had to buy a suit and head for the airport.
I'd known the day was coming for close to two years, I'd processed it and could deal. Funerals are weird anyway. I pretty much tuned out and kept to myself. I don't remember the funeral. But I do remember my sister, stepsister, stepmother and little brother all hugging each other and crying as they lowered the casket into the ground. Even after the ceremony was over, my uncle Sonny and I watched as the groundskeepers filled in the grave and tamped down the dirt. We didn't leave until they were almost done. Of course, I had no way of knowing that I'd be back at that same site 9 years later to bury my stepmother.

I wish I had something profound to say, or that there was some sort of lesson to be learned from it. I do think about my 'Old Man' almost daily and wonder what life would be like had he not gotten sick. Whatever pain there was has faded into memory, like when I cracked my ankle when I was 12.

If you're lucky enough to still have both yr parents, do let them know you love them.



The weekend ended much too soon but before it did, a bunch of us went out on Saturday night. Tracy, Kira, Scott and I ventured to The Eastlake Zoo, a crusty dive bar for Scott's buddy Garrett. I only knew a couple of the Amazonian's there so we mostly kept to ourselves.
Later on we headed down to The Lux on 2nd Avenue to buy Trip a drink for his 32nd. Neil showed up and we downed quite a few beers. I was playing matchmaker, Kira kinda looks like Wynona Ryder with a Cleopatra haircut and she's pretty cool. They seemed to hit it off...my work is done. Still later we came back to the 'stead and drank some more, finally going to bed around 4am.
I had to be at Sean's to record at 1, only to find out he'd been called into work after Matt and I had gotten there. It was a gorgeous day out, so Matt and I walked over to The Cantebury and played some pool. I took the long route home, enjoying the cool air flowing over me and the warm sunshine. I felt really alive for the first time in a long while!
The kitchen remodel is coming along and the back yard is finished. Hopefully, the flooring cabinets, sink and whatnot will be in by the end of the month. I'm tired of eating out all the time. We're going to have to clean the entire house to get rid of all the dust and debris but I think it'll be worth it.

BTW-I'd like to thank everyone for the birthday gifts, cards, drinks, wishes and flowers. Stu got me a DVD of "Raising Arizona" and a book on Marc Chagall. Neil a copy of "The Golden Bough" and Laura got me a book of poems illustrated by William Blake. The most "literary" birthday yet!

Additionally, I'd like to congradulate the Sun|Tzu crew on their successful tour of sunny California and pass along some positive vibes to El Stu, whose grandmother passed away last week.


It was one of the nicest breakups I've ever had.
After much thinking about our situation, I found that I wasn't completely happy with the way things were going...and neither was she. We live in different cities. We have different approaches and goals in life and trying to mesh the two seemed an insurmountable problem. My work schedule made it almost impossible to get together during the week.
We got together to talk yesterday and had a really nice time. Strange, when we both knew we were ending the relationship. Sheri made a really nice pasta dinner and we watched "Raising Arizona" on DVD (thanks, Stu!). We got up in the morning made breakfast and said our goodbyes. I am going to work hard to maintain a friendship-we both want it, so that should be easy.

What's next? Hm...


I'm gonna be 36 day after tomorrow. I thought I'd have it together by 35, but HA! The gods mock me yet again. But I ain't mad about it. If anything, I have learned a thing or two...now what to do with that know-ledge. I know I need a serious vacation. And you know what I think would make me happy? Three days in a sensory-deprevation chamber with a quart of mushroom tea...
ANYWAY. I have nothing profound to say. Life goes on, I love all of yaze and if you're inclined to pray for me (or at least send me some good energy) I hope that I can use it to have the courage to change what can, accept what I cannot and have the wisdom to discern between to two...

Orf tae bed.

(Amazon wish list-quit buggin' me! ; -))


This caused me to chuckle mightily...


I'm whupped. My plan worked, unfortunately I woke up with a slight headache. I had to get together and ride out to Fremont to meet Tom and his intended to discuss music for their wedding next month. I don't know why I volunteer for these things-it usually turns out to be a huge hassle. But Frito does it too, so I guess we suffer from the same sort of masochism/mental illness.
Frito left for an out of state bachelor party and took Whiskey over to Marney and Kristen's so (right now, anyway) I gots the place to myself. I plan to do these three things:

1. Eat a bowl of lucky charms.

2. Read a bit.

3. Sleep as long as I can.

Hopefully, I will arise somewhat bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. There's some all-night event at work tonight. They've been hyping it for a couple of weeks, although I don't really understand why. Apparently, the sales dept. is planning to call all of our biggest customers to let them know they're available 24-7.
I'm like duh-don't they know that already? It's why I live my nocturnal existance right now! I do look forward to meeting some coworkers I never seen before...hopefully some of them are cute!

It seems like everyone I know is in some state of transition right now. I've been kinda surly and feel the need to start some shit...we'll see where that goes.



Apparently, they've (whoever "they" are) have switched servers and somehow that's mucked up my connection to my MT blog. Until I get that sorted, I'll be posting here. Hoo. Ray.

Frito is having the backyard landscaped and the kitchen remodeled so the house is full of people banging, thumping and wacking. Of course, no one has sympathy for me, the guy who really needs to fucking sleep. Right now, I'm pounding the home brew we have in the downstair fridge in an attempt to get buzzed enough to sleep (pass out).

What these folks don't realize is that if they keep me up for too long, I'm gonna fuckin' loose my shit and won't be pretty.

But let's not dwell on that. There's plenty to be happy about.

I have in my hot big hands the new KILLING JOKE album...and I'm going to crank this fucker up!