Lost in Translation:

Last weekend, a (female) friend emailed me asking if I'd like to get together. We discussed going to Oktoberfest, but were a little put off at the cost-basically $20 to get in-plus whatever we were gonna spend on beer. Which is pretty crappy considering there's at least a half-dozen places to drink in Fremont. I was pretty psyched to see her regardless.
Also, my friend was bummin' 'cause a guy she was really hoping to go out with blew her off-among a couple of other things. I responded to her with my best Cary Tennis impression:

Ouch. That guy may have been looking for something quick and easy...and you're definitely not quick and easy. Please just blow it off. People accept and reject each other for really superficial reasons and there no rhyme or reason to it all except it leaves one wondering...and that's the hardest part.

I'm sorry to hear you're depressed. Personally, I think you're just lonely and after all that time you focused on career and school, maybe you're wondering why you're not happier. I think you need to go a vacation, away from friends and family, to someplace where they don't speak English. You need an adventure-something to remind yourself of who you are and hopefully discover something new. You should go somewhere you can lie in the sun all day, dance on tables at night and kiss tall, dark, handsome strangers who can't understand a word you say.

A boy (no matter how wonderful) can't do that for you.

Nonetheless, we face a long, cold winter and the only way to make it through is by keeping our hearts warm. Just know that I care for you, even though we're total opposites, even though I feel I don't know you as well as I should after knowing you for seven years and that I often wonder what purpose I serve other than Plan Z guy-you certainly don't invite me around you 'proper' friends-which is too bad-I do know which fork to use for salad. Anyway, I have a hot tub, a fireplace, a sturdy shoulder for crying on, lots of booze, easy access to Pho and my hearing is still pretty good-if you need me, I'm here for you.

I get an email back:


You’ve got the first part partially right and the last part wrong. Let’s not have this conversation via email. If you have issues with me, you know you have to address them face to face or at least via phone. Email is the easy way out. I guess I have to explain myself to you once again, and I’m really not in the mood right now.

HuhnWah?! So I call. I leave three messages throughout the course of the day. I didn't make any plans with anyone else 'cause she'd complained a few months ago that she doesn't like hanging out with me in a group.
(This was after she showed up at a gig unexpectedly-apparently I was too distracted by other people, things, etc. to greet her enthusiastically enough.)
Finally, after a short game of phone tag I get her.

Basically, she'd taken umbrage to my observation that she rarely invited me out with her friends. "I'm sorry, but I don't have that many friends, not like you." She said.
"I have a very few close friends and then there are people I see every once in awhile. And please don't be offended-but you fall into that second group."

"Well, I wasn't complaining. It was an obvservation." I replied.
"It was a perception." She corrected.

I backed down. We'd argued along similar lines before (thus the "explain myself to you again" line) and I didn't want the message that my door was open to her to get lost.

"Besides, I invited you to my graduation party and you had something else to do." She said.

Humph. True. But no mention that I'd stopped by her place with a card a couple of days later.

She informed me that she was going out with some other buddy that night, implying heavily that seeing me would be too exhausting in her current state.

I hung up exasperated...and annoyed. Then angry. I tried to cheer her up and this is what I get?! I wanted to call up back and tell her she was wrong and that it was fucked up and telling that she had nothing nice to say about my offer to be there for her. AND that by placing me in the "People I see every once in awhile" catagory, that all she did was confirm what I'd observed in the first place!
But perhaps it's just best to prune it off the friendship tree...*sigh*

I can hear Stu laughing now: "How is it that you get all of the problems and none of the sex?"

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