6.22.2004

Nothing Ventured

Nothing Ventured

We were drinking and talking about relationships -- specifically: Him.

"It's too bad we didn't work out." she said.
"It's funny, 'cause he was the one boy who didn't like me and all the other boys like me."
From just about anyone else that would've sounded terribly arrogant. From her it didn't, 'cause in her case it was just terribly true. I decided right then that discretion was the better part of disclosure and nodded mutely, hoping that nothing in my face or body language gave any hint of the brief weeks I'd been obsessed with her. She had it all - beauty, brains and she had effect on me that spoke to my intellectual yearnings. Hardly anyone had ever done that before.
I repeated something I remembered from Seinfeld about God not wanting any of us to get together, then talked about my belief that experience teaches us to avoid scenarios that result in psychic damage, while inwardly cursing my cowardice. Yet relived that I'd listened to my inner counsel, avoiding yet another awkward situation.
I wonder when I will get to tell all that is in my heart without fear?
She chuckled and agreed, apprasing me with those cool blue eyes. She knew...but she was kind enough not to make me suffer for it.
I wondered just how long she'd had my number.

Probably the minute I said "Hello."

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